it slithers in when I’m about to step out and do something new
it inches it’s way, often slowly and quietly, into my mind when I start jotting down my goals and dreams
it sometimes sneaks in during conversations, making me question myself
it even creeps into the closest relationship I have – with my husband
it makes it’s presence known when I go to speak in front of people, even when I know it’s something I like to do
it swoops in when I go to the gym …when I’m about to push the “publish” button and allow something I’ve written to become public…
it fills my mind when I go to pray for someone
and it makes sure to make a full-blown appearance when I do something awkward
or make a mistake
i’ve seen it in the work place
i see it in the church
i see it in mothers with small children who are doing a crazy–amazing job raising their little human begins, but don’t see it as such
i see it in men and women a like
it’s like a tumour that attaches itself to people and drains them of confidence and joy
If you haven’t already guessed it, the ‘it’ I speak of is this ugly thing:
And it deserves to be punched. Right in the face.
Now, FYI – I have never actually punched anything or anyone in the face…but if insecurity could somehow manifest itself into human form? I most certainly would feel a sudden urge to throw a punch.
Maybe I’m the only one…but this nasty thing has stopped me from doing things I know I’m supposed to do. As a matter of fact, I shouldn’t say “has stopped” me as if insecurity is something I’ve dealt with in the past and have now successfully mastered it’s conniving ways. It stops me from doing things I know I’m supposed to do right now. I feel plagued by it, at times, and lately I’ve been *trying* to call it out for what it is whenever it creeps in. It’s foolish and ridiculous and makes me only focus on myself and it holds me back.
And I hate it.
Maybe it’s just part of human nature and we will deal with it our whole lives…but there’s something deep in me…this hope… that says being plagued by insecurity is not who I am supposed to be nor is it what I am destined for.
So, I’ve noticed something. There’s something that seems as if it’s immune to insecurity. It’s like, even if insecurity wanted to attack, it’d bounce right off.
It’s the beautiful thing called childhood.
Have you ever just watched a small child? I’m sure you have. There’s not a care in the world, right!? That jovial spirit children have is attractive and there’s something just.so.right. about it. I think that’s why, when there’s a room full a people and a few kids, all eyes are on the kids. They are happy and un-anxious and accepting and I’ll go as far as saying…they are often more secure in some precious way than the adults around them.
The interesting thing is…Jesus says in the Bible to “become like little children.” I am definitely in need of a refresher on this.
So, let’s take a look:
There’s this story in Matthew where Jesus’ disciples are wondering who gets the highest rank in His Kingdom and they ask Jesus, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” What happens next is intriguing. Jesus calls a little kid over and places he or she in the middle of all of the adults. [I find Jesus funny. I can just see the adults surrounding him thinking, “Ahh…whaaat? Jesus, really..this isn’t play time, this is important, adult conversation time.”]
Then then he says this: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3-4) No, I don’t have any deep theological explanation for these two verses for what it means to be the “greatest in the kingdom of heaven” but I’m sure there is. What I grab from this verse is that Jesus pulled some little kid out, put he/she in a place of honor – in the middle of their group – and said, “Guys…you need to be like this kid. This child is your model.”
All of this reminds me of something my biggest nephew told me a few years ago. I was watching him and his two brothers soon after the littlest nephew was born. We were getting ready to go to the park and I remember thinking – I need to throw some mascara on…or throw a hat on to cover this un-showered hair or at least put something decent on or something before we go to the park! We packed some snacks and he was patiently sitting on the bench while I put his shoes on. [Which takes forever. Have you ever put shoes on a small child?? God, help me. Seriously, you have to schedule in an extra 15 minutes because it’s such an ordeal! They say they are “slip on” shoes but they lie. All lies. I don’t know how my sister does this putting shoes on chubby feet thing every day….Ok, my rant is over. :P]
The 15 minutes of putting his shoes on wasn’t all bad, I must say – it provided time for great conversation. We talked about what we were going to do at the park and how God created dirt and birds and Nerf guns and how Jesus probably liked to play outside too. I then asked my nephew, “What is Jesus like?,” curious of what he may say. What he said melted me. Staring right at me with a dirty face, messy hair, playful and hopeful, with one shoe on and the other…well….half on, he smiled and said:
“He’s like me.”
I’m tellin’ ya…the things we can learn straight from the mouths of babes, people.
That day, my nephew taught me a little more about Jesus and what it means to just be free.
And then there’s the littlest nephew. He and his brothers recently spent the night with my husband and I. In the morning, the littlest nephew was the first to wake up – bright eyed and chipper. We were hanging out on the couch and he hugged me “good morning”…..and then let one rip. Yes, right on my lap which makes it even more hilarious. After the husband and I finished laughing [probably too obnoxiously], he leans over with a mischievous grin on his face and ever so proudly lets another one go, simply to get another laugh out of us. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know we as adults have a certain dignity and decency that we need to uphold. But come on…have you ever just wanted to, unashamedly, let one rip and see who you can get a laugh out of? Ok, maybe not…and now I’m embarrassed at the fact that I have thought this before, and now you all know. 😉 But honestly, I think Jesus has a sense of humor…and He’d probably be the first one laughing. 🙂
The point is, there’s something in that sweet season of childhood that is untouched by insecurity. It’s so beautiful and refreshing and attractive to be around. I’m not sure what stage in life this awareness of self comes in and I’m sure there’s a scientific answer that I’m just not aware of. But that aside, I want to try and come back to these words of Jesus: become like little children. Meek, playful, light, accepting, goofy, creative. I want to learn to be more childlike while being aware of this ugly, ugly thing of insecurity that stops me from being me. I was told something very wise by a great, older man a few years back that hasn’t left my mind since. He told me:
The best thing you can offer the world is your authentic self.
When plagued by insecurity, I am not doing this… and ultimately the world is not getting the best version of ‘Brittany’ that God intended. So if you’ve struggled like me in this area….well, I’d say we have some things to take care of.
Get out that punching bag, label it “INSECURITY” and punch away.
Because the world needs you to be your authentic self.
So beautiful Brit! And so true! It’s so easy to forget.
Thank you for being you!
And yes kids slip on shoes are a pain!! Lol
Thanks again for reading, Amber!! 🙂
Oh absolutely..I look forward to your next blog:-)
Thanks, Ruthie! And yeah..those dang shoes. Now you have that x2. 😉 Hope your little girls are doing well!
Incredible! It is the archenemy and nemesis of all leadership as well, and the only escape I see is, as you so eloquently put it, becoming as innocent as a child. To be child-like, not childish. Thank you Britt!!
Thanks again for reading…and commenting! 🙂 (My previous replies to comments did not go through to people, I don’t believe) Hope you are well.
Wow! Brit that’s some amazing writing! I was reminded of our conversation at camp one time about “deep calling unto deep”. This is that!! Going deep and bringing forth stuff like this that is full of wisdom is what God was preparing you for! Anyway, great job, great topic , one I am all to familiar with as well!
I remember that conversation! Thanks for the reminder…and for being on your dock that day.
Wonderful! Amazing! Beautiful! Inspiring! Thank ou so very much for writing and sharing. I LOVE reading your blog.
Thanks again for reading, Bridget!
Great job Brit. I’m am wiping away tears. Very well written.
Hey Matt! Thank you for taking the time to read. I miss seeing you and your family around!
Wow, that was awesome !
Well done. Thanks for a great, insightful post. Lord, let us embrace that “child-like-ness” and be all He is/has called us to be.
Thank you for reading, Mrs. Augi!
Britany, this was beautifully said. You are so young to be such a wise woman. I’m sure much of it is because of the time you spend with our precious Lord and Savior Jesus.
I have been reading “Born to Win”A book about transactional analysis. A quote that I found particularly useful was similar to some things that you said in your blog: “A winner is one who responds authentically by being credible, trustworthy, responsive, and genuine, both as an individual and as a member of society.” Honestly, this quote makes me think of you 🙂
It also makes me think of how Jesus wants us to be in the world. I guess we will keep working on it, huh?
WOW. First off, thank you for reading. And I miss you! Secondly, this book you speak of sounds interesting (I just finished the two books I ordered and am in need of some good reads…). That’s a pretty lofty quote – something I would like to strive for, for sure. So thank you for thinking of me and always being so encouraging. Hope the start of the school year goes well for your boys!
You are in amazingly gifted writer! I believe with all my heart that with your authenticity and genuineness combined with your talents as a writer, you will touch many people.
The book: “Born to Win”
By: Muriel James and
It discusses two approaches to understanding people. Transactional analysis as developed by Dr. Eric Bern as a tool to help understand human behavior and gestalt therapy as a method for discovering different parts of our personalities. It is intended to help understand personality theory and interpersonal relationships. More a psychotherapy book, not specifically a Christian focus but I plan to use this information along with God’s word to help me with my work and life challenges 🙂
Thank you so much, Noreen. And thank you for the info…looks very interesting!
You’re Awsome Brit!!!
I really enjoyed your writting, keep it up! As I was reading I even recalled the first time I really remember being plagued with insecurity. And it wasn’t in the class room or playground, but in youth group as jr. Higher. Intersting to me because as you said this is a tactic of the enemy to hold us back from our full selves. Thank you for relating it to childhood, it’s a good picture for me.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Julie!! And thank you for coming up the other evening. 🙂 It was SO good to see you guys.
I don’t usually read blogs, but saw your first one and decided to see what it is about. I am very glad I did. You are a very inspirational writer. 🙂 It is nice to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I struggle daily with the season I am in and with insecurity. I sometimes beat myself up for feeling these ways because I know that this is not how God wants me to be. But I know that if I put God first, He will help me overcome them. Oh here comes the insecurity creeping in. First I have debated whether to comment. I finally decided to do so. Now I have read my comment about five times now, making sure it sounds fine. I have to stop. Ok I am going to send it.
Hi Marah!! Thank you for reading and commenting! That means so much! I’m glad you actually hit the reply button…THAT to me is “punching insecurity in the face.” 🙂